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Post by Scottish Lassie on Nov 7, 2015 5:14:24 GMT -5
A Welsh Muslim was caught today having sex with a young sheep. In his defence he said it was islam and he could do whatever he liked with it. Yeah, and the chances are, he picked the ugliest one in the flock. Does that mean that it was a virgin? You can't trick me!!!
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Post by Scottish Lassie on Nov 7, 2015 5:28:17 GMT -5
Wee Billy from Glesga always wanted to look cool. His friend told him that he needed a good designer pair of trainers to go with his shell suit. So Billy saved up all his Giros and all the money he got back from returning his empty bottles of Ginger and finally managed to get himself a pair of brilliant white trainers to go with his shell suit. Proudly, he strutted down the street calling out to all the passers-by "See ma new trainers? Stonkin, eh?" One fine upstanding gentleman pointed out that they were indeed a fine pair of trainers but was young Billy aware that one shoelace was undone? Billy scornfully retorted that it was part of being cool to have a trailing lace on one trainer, and that on the sole of the trainer there were instructions for the wearer to do such a thing. When asked for proof of this instruction, Billy look off his trainer and held it upside down for the disbeliever to read. "There y'are! It clearly says Tai wan !!!!! You've lost me on that one too!!!
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Post by Scottish Lassie on Nov 7, 2015 5:36:42 GMT -5
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Post by Scottish Lassie on Nov 7, 2015 5:43:00 GMT -5
Just been to my first Muslim birthday party. The musical chairs was a bit slow, but the pass the parcel was quick......... Got it straight away!!!
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Post by Scottish Lassie on Nov 7, 2015 5:49:02 GMT -5
3 ladies talking about their lovers. First one says "My nickname for my man is 'Long John', because he's got a long john..." The other ladies agree, this is good. Second one says "My nickname for my man is 'Speedy', because, sadly, he's a bit quick..." The other ladies offer sympathy. The third lady says "I just call my man 'Courvoisier'" The other ladies say "Isn't that one of those fancy liqueurs?" Third lady just smiles and says "Yeah..." Coat...gone Definitely getting cruder !!!
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Post by mouse on Nov 7, 2015 5:53:16 GMT -5
Wee Billy from Glesga always wanted to look cool. His friend told him that he needed a good designer pair of trainers to go with his shell suit. So Billy saved up all his Giros and all the money he got back from returning his empty bottles of Ginger and finally managed to get himself a pair of brilliant white trainers to go with his shell suit. Proudly, he strutted down the street calling out to all the passers-by "See ma new trainers? Stonkin, eh?" One fine upstanding gentleman pointed out that they were indeed a fine pair of trainers but was young Billy aware that one shoelace was undone? Billy scornfully retorted that it was part of being cool to have a trailing lace on one trainer, and that on the sole of the trainer there were instructions for the wearer to do such a thing. When asked for proof of this instruction, Billy look off his trainer and held it upside down for the disbeliever to read. "There y'are! It clearly says Tai wan !!!!! You've lost me on that one too!!! the answer is at the bottom..tai wan ..eg tie one
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Post by Scottish Lassie on Nov 7, 2015 5:54:14 GMT -5
could you splain it Ricky? It's how you read it. The englishman doesn't know how to get a girl preggers. Hmm. My father never got jokes like that. Well, my mom used to tell him she'd explain it on Tuesday. It was a running joke round our house that Tuesday must be sex night. Years later, my mom told us that was their night off. The Englishman knew perfectly well, it was the Irishman who once again fell short!!!
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Post by mouse on Nov 7, 2015 5:55:47 GMT -5
I do hope that I shall not fall foul of the code of this board with only my third posting but I will chance my arm. An Irishman says to an Englishman, 'Do you know how an Irish girl gets pregnant?' The Englishman replies, 'how does an Irish girl get pregnant?' The Irishman raises his eyes to heaven and says, 'Beejayzus, and you think the Irish are stupid!' You don't need to worry Mike Marshall, I think it is acceptable. I'm just wondering though, how come the Irish are supposed to be thick, I wonder how that came about? genetics......
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Post by Scottish Lassie on Nov 7, 2015 6:03:31 GMT -5
You've lost me on that one too!!! the answer is at the bottom..tai wan ..eg tie one Perhaps if the word Tai Wan had been closer to what was said, I might have got it. Thanks for that Mouse. I did wonder what The word Tai Wan was doing away down there?
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Post by Scottish Lassie on Nov 7, 2015 6:09:58 GMT -5
You don't need to worry Mike Marshall, I think it is acceptable. I'm just wondering though, how come the Irish are supposed to be thick, I wonder how that came about? genetics...... Hi Mouse, It wouldn't surprise me if they started the rumour themselves as I think they might like to have a joke at their own expense.
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Post by mouse on Nov 7, 2015 6:21:50 GMT -5
while my answer was not a serious one.. all too often lack of education leads to allegation of being thick.. in this case the Irish and in other cases..well every nationality and race have stories about other nationalities and races..
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Post by fretslider on Nov 7, 2015 16:17:36 GMT -5
Two nuns sitting in the bath. One nun say's "Where's the soap" The other replies "Yes, doesn't it". Hi Fretslider, I have understood every joke and think they are all great, but this one I just can't figure out!!! Think about it...where's, wears...
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Post by Scottish Lassie on Nov 7, 2015 21:14:01 GMT -5
while my answer was not a serious one.. all too often lack of education leads to allegation of being thick.. in this case the Irish and in other cases..well every nationality and race have stories about other nationalities and races..
You could be right Fretslider, Scottish people are said to be canny with their money, but even though my parents didn't have much financially, they were both very generous with their help and sometimes with money as well.
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Post by Scottish Lassie on Nov 7, 2015 21:17:57 GMT -5
Hi Fretslider, I have understood every joke and think they are all great, but this one I just can't figure out!!! Think about it...where's, wears... Still don't get it Fretslider, I myself must be pretty thick as regards that joke!!!
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Post by Soulman on Nov 16, 2015 12:55:33 GMT -5
I recently heard a sweet elderly lady saying a prayer:- “Dear Lord, the past couple of years have been very tough for me. You have taken --
my favourite actor--- James Garner, my favourite actress ---Lauren Bacall, my favourite comedian --- Robin Williams, my favourite singer----Joe Cocker, and finally, my favourite author, Tom Clancy.
I just wanted you to know, Lord, that my favourite Politicians are Tony Blair, Jeremy Corbyn and that stupid bitch from Scotland.
Amen.”
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